I told ya’ll this was/is my open diary…
Co-parenting in this day and age isn’t easy… Lets talk about when I first started co-parenting, when the breakup was fresh, when the anger was still there, I thought to myself “we will never get along and these next 16 years are going to be horrid”. I looked at my friends that were still with their child’s father, and those friends that weren’t and got along with the other parent and I admired that! I wished I had that, however i felt that it would never come! I was doing this alone now, I needed to balance work, my child, and the stress of now sharing time with the other parent. There was so much anger there from both sides things became spiteful. Nothing was in the courts so it was play by ear kind of custody, though it worked out at the time, we just didn’t get along, drop off were full of anger. Arguments on the phone sometimes spilled over into drop off. It was just a horrible time! Things semi simmered down but I knew we would never do joint birthday parties, combined holidays nothing to make things easier. Still I looked at my friends that were co-parenting and getting along and I still hoped one day that would be me! To me that was perfect.. Things started to get easier the schedule got better… There wasn’t so much arguing….
Then the papers were filed (I filed them). All hell broke loose… This was also around the time I met my future husband, introduced him to Liberty, decided we wanted to live together and have a life. I honestly believe all of this hitting him may have been too much in the time frame. It was an all out battle at this point though, I wanted what I wanted and vice versa. I was so stressed out, the gym was my stress relief. Things became personal blows between us, taking hits that neither of us should have taken. Granted from my point of view I was doing nothing wrong just trying to get on with my life. Not once did I stop and think how he might feel that now there will be another man in our little girls life. I had my selfish moments back then (don’t we all?). However I knew then that this was not a temporary relationship for me, this was forever. Things were so bad between us that when we went to mediation they separated us … We came to an “agreement”there and a month after things were finally final! We had a schedule! A few months past…
We finally started to get along! We were civil! It was kinda like we were friends.. (on facebook anyway) We would talk about how things were going on with his girlfriend at the time, talked about meeting his girlfriend.. we just talked randomly not necessary about child custody stuff. It was nice no tension, of course there were times that I didn’t want to know certain things, but hey I knew that us getting along and being able to talk at drop offs was best for Liberty. Heck we even celebrated her birthday together! She started VPK and we were all there for her first day! It was a great time, everyone was stress free.It was a good coordination for pick up and drop offs. (there were errors made, things weren’t done) Well the end of the school year was nearing an end, some things needed to change, that weren’t working through the school year and school was about to be full time.. That’s when things went sour again not as bad as last time for I have grown up and matured and I handle things so much better.( In lieu of not giving too much detail ill stop there) Seems my co-parenting experience is way different than others, I’ve realized it depends with who/what you are dealing with.
All I can say is co-parenting is not easy and its not always rainbows and butterflies! It takes work from both sides, its both sides seeing whats best for the child and taking selfish needs out of it. Co-parenting to me is getting along and being civil for the sake of the child. Wanting the child not to feel its their fault mommy and daddy don’t get along. What parents need to understand is that when it comes to co-parenting and making decisions instead of thinking what will be best for you, you need to think what will be best for the child. Yes there will be ups and downs, there will be times that you may think its not fair and things won’t get better. Once you two finally realize its not whats fair to you, nor what will work out best for you, that it needs to be all about the child, that’s when things will start being smooth sailing. As you can see my co-parenting seems back and fourth, well i’m hoping we can get back to that good place and things will end up in the best interest of Liberty.
Those that are co-parenting very well I commend you and admire that, but I also ask that you not judge the parents that may not be co-parenting as well as you, but ask that you help support them in getting to that place. Advice is better than judgement.
photo cred: unknown